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Relationship Advice | Marriage Guidance

You know it happens in marriages all the time. You were so close, but over the years the passion fades and things get a bit more stale and mechanical. You both wonder what is happening to your love as your marriage seems to become more about the kids and making money and the burdens and responsibilities of life.

Studies have shown that expressions of intimacy decrease over time in the average marriage.  We stop expressing or demonstrating intimacy factors as time goes on.

Is this marital drift normal, does it happen in all relationships, and can it be turned around?

Well, as you are learning from experience, it is very common for there to be relationship drift in all marriages. It's normal, but if not corrected it can cause marital crises or divorce. Relationship drift often leads to separation and cheating. What can be done?

The first thing you can do to cure relationship drift is simple, fun and yet very powerful. And that is to PLAY more with your mate. When you first got together with your spouse, you played a lot. Dinner, sex, movies, etc. You both had a lot of fun. Then over time you probably stopped playing very much. Some marriages can lose almost all play between spouses over several years.

How much fun is that, to play more with your mate to stop relationship drift? It can start with just one date night a week where you do something you both enjoy. Just a little quality time having fun together can really begin to change how you both feel about each other and the marriage.

Make your date night special quality time with your spouse. Don't talk about work or the kids or other stresses and burdens in your life. Clear time to relax and enjoy each other and what you are doing. Playing is not hard, even if you are out of practice!

A second powerful way to reverse relationship drift is through sex. Sex can become someone stale and mechanical over time. You want to keep it fresh and passionate. You don't have to try every position in the kama sutra or anything. Great sex is not about new positions, usually.

But it also isn't hard or difficult to keep sex from becoming stale. One simple way to improve the quality of your sex life is to have sex when you both aren't exhausted at the end of a day. Schedule quality time when you both have energy. Then, just take some of that energy and focus it on your partner. You know what they might like, and when you have energy it is easy to spend some extra time on pleasing them.

What you do and how you do it is up to you.  That's the joy of sex.  But having the energy to do it can make it a more pleasurable experience for both of you.

You can quickly improve your marriage and reverse relationship drift using just these two steps alone, and there are many more. Play on purpose some more with your mate, in bed and out, and you will be doing both of you a big favor.

Fighting marital drift is an ongoing battle.  But it can be a fun and mostly pleasant one if you continue to increase your relationship intelligence.   Here is a book on How To Train Your Mate To Have The Marriage You Want.

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We never got taught relationship skills in school.  Spending a few minutes learning more relationship intelligence can pay off with years of more love, deeper bonding and emotional connection.  Building a stronger marriage is not hard to do!


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