Pre marriage counseling really does pay off, according to a four state survey of over 3,000 homes published by Scott Stanley in the Journal of Family Psychology (March, 2006). The survey found that couples who met with marriage family counselors were, on average, 31% less likely to divorce than couples who did not attend counseling. They were also more likely to report higher marital satisfaction, lower marital conflict and greater levels of commitment.
The question of when to seek marriage counseling before the big day may be dicey. It’s sort of like a prenuptial, which some people may find offensive or as admonishing the fact that “Hey things may not work out as planned!” As the practice of counseling for couples becomes more widespread, this becomes less an issue, though. To help guide you, the California Association for Marriage Family Therapists came up with several criterion. If you’re young and have never married, then go! If one partner is “commitment-o-phobic,” then go! If there are unresolved issues regarding money, parenting, household responsibilities, work or sex, then go! If one or more partners have had a previously failed marriage, go! If you feel you’d like added conflict resolution skills, go! Lastly, if there has been a history of childhood or domestic abuse, go! Sometimes these seemingly minor obstacles can become full-blown catastrophes later, so it’s important that they’re addressed early and professionally.
Generally when you go for pre marriage counseling, you’ll develop a rapport with the family marriage counselor and you’ll be given the Pre Marital Inventory (PMI) test. This quiz will examine areas such as interests and activities, role expectations, personal adjustment, interpersonal communication, religious philosophy, marriage expectations, family issues, finances, children and parenting, and sexuality. The purpose of this test is not to tell you whether to get married or not, but rather to identify strengths and weaknesses, arming you with the tools you’ll need to make it through your marriage successfully.
Many pre marriage counseling sessions are more like educational courses, rather than therapy. The counselors are there to teach you ways to comfort your crabby partner after he or she has had “the worst day ever.” They’ll show you how to communicate your needs and wants without nagging, complaining or accusing. They’ll teach you how to overcome marriage-killer behavioral patterns like stone-walling, criticizing, defensiveness and contemptuousness. Before you say “I Do,” you can learn your personal conflict styles and recognize the relationship’s strengths and possible weaknesses, which will create better understanding in the long run.
Tags: christian marriage counseling, counseling for couples, family marriage counselor, licensed professional counselors, pre marriage counseling