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Sexuality: Great Sex In Long Term Relationships

When sex isn't working in an intimate relationship, the relationship suffers!  How you "are" about sex can be critical to the strength of your relationship.  And over time, in long term relationships and marriages, the quality of the sex often seems to decline.  So the strength of long term relationships is often felt to be declining as well.

The first rule of sex in relationships is PLAY!  Are you BOTH playing and having fun, or is the fun more one way?  Are you, as a female, having fun and getting satisfied?  Sure, you give your man pleasure.  Men tend to be dominant, demanding, and more easily satisfied sexually.  But are you also making sure that you are pleased sexually?   Not that you have to climax every time, but are you enjoying the experience of closeness and is he doing some things to pleasure you in addition to getting his own needs met?

The first question to ask regarding long term sex is are you Both having fun and not only giving but receiving pleasure?  If you aren't, it is usually a simple adjustment.  Let your partner know in some way how you'd like to be pleasured, how you'd like to receive love, and make intimate requests until you are satisfied. 

The second issue around having great sex long term is a bit more complicated.  Remember when you first got together, and you'd barely walk in the door and he'd be unbuttoning your blouse or lifting your skirt?  He almost couldn't keep his hands off you?  Sex was frequent and intense?  Now, you can wear the sexiest lingerie and he can barely be interested?  What happened? 

In all long term sexual relationships, the passion and the frequency and the intensity seem to die down.  There is nothing wrong with this, screwing like rabbits is fun for only so long, and there are other parts of a relationship that don't get much attention until that phase wears off.  However, great sex long term does require some passion, intensity and some frequency. 

What can you do to revive the sex?  What can you do to have great sex long term?  Well, one thing you can do is pay attention to the mechanics of male sexual energy.  According to the ancient Chinese understandings of Taoism, you can consider male sexual energy to be like the steam in a tea pot.  At first, when you started dating, he wasn't having sex, so the steam in the teapot built up to a boil.  When you started having sex, he was full to boiling with testosterone and demonstrated this by having frequent intense passionate sex with you.

The greater the level of sexual energy, the more passion and frequency.  Then, as he begins climaxing, the sexual energy diminishes.  The steam goes down.  The pot simmers rather than boils over.  After several months of frequent sex and ejaculation with you, his sexual energy is low.  While he was once filled to his ears with it, he has climaxed so often that now he has "lost pressure."  The steam has escaped.  The pot doesn't boil as often.

That is just the nature of male sexual energy in long term relationships.  The more a man climaxes, the more his sexual energy diminishes and the longer it takes for him to recharge.  Where initially he would tear your clothes off, now he often can't seem to be bothered when you are both nude next to each other in bed.  It happens.  If you wish to explore this, one of the things you can do about is read and learn more in a book called The Tao of Sex, which should be available at

We never got taught relationship skills in school.  Spending a few minutes learning more relationship intelligence can pay off with years of more love, deeper bonding and emotional connection.


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